Audrianna

She has such a cute nose, her daddy's all the way.

 The tears wouldn't stop, all I could do was tell her I love her.

 Just as surgery had started. I was terrified, but I did great.

Daddy's princess, the love he has for her is amazing.

 I love this little girl so much, I miss her already.

 Words cannot describe how much I love them.

 2lbs 8.9 ounces, 13.5 inches long. She lived for 39 minutes. I wish it could have been longer, but I'm glad I got to hold her while she was still alive. Gone from us here on Earth but in our hearts forever.

Strange measures

      Had my 30 week appointment this morning. Discussed issues with her sitting on my kidney, he's doing a urine culture to make sure I don't have a kidney infection because of it. He also did normal fundal measurements. Two weeks ago, Ms. Audrianna was measuring at 26 weeks, today she was measuring at 47 centimeters... so basically, based on fundal height, she was ready 7 weeks ago, Doctor Shakfeh asked if I've been having contractions, which I have, but nothing constant enough to bother me. He said that based on the size of my uterus, she is "ready" so the contractions could get more frequent, which he wants, he wants her to be the 10% of Anencephalic babies that will put the mother into labor. He also said that because of the anencephaly, I have too much amniotic fluid which he called Polyhydramnios. The Polyhydramnios is what is causing my large measurements.
      Also, in other news, he got hospital clearance for my VBAC or as it's now called TOLAC.

Details, details, details...

      Had a quick Dr. appointment today. We discussed potential dates for the induction. He wasn't cleared to do the induction at or before 37 weeks because of the hospital and insurance guidelines. So Nov. 23rd is now completely out.
      He said that because of the guidelines the soonest he could do it is 39 weeks, which falls on Christmas up until 41 weeks, which falls on my mom's birthday. Now, mind you, these time frames are all "relative" and if my health starts to decline or I start to dilate, then of course, we can induce a little earlier. Things are all over the place, but my blood sugar levels and blood pressure at this point are next to perfect, so he's not too concerned at the moment.
      I was also informed today that now that I'm in my 3rd trimester, I'll be seeing him every two weeks until 34 weeks, when I start seeing him weekly. And we still have no word on when he wants me to take my leave of absence from work... we'll see soon, depending on how comfortable I am come December, I know right now, I'm about done.

Audrianna's Debut

 This is Audrianna's girl part debut. The first time she has ever showed them to us. We love her so much <3

In this picture you can see that the top of her head isn't normal. The entire top right side of her skull is missing.

Audrianna is so beautiful. We love her with everything we have. Nothing will change that ever. Miss Audrianna is trying to suck her thumb but she was mad because she kept getting poked by the ultrasound probe.

Imperfectly Perfect

I had an appointment yesterday and they made me an appointment for this morning for my 3D/4D ultrasound. I had to be to the doctor's office at 8:45 to check the severity of the abnormality that the doctor in Tampa found. She was all over the place. While the technician scanned my belly Autumn and I watched on a big screen TV in front of us. During the 2D portion baby didn't look any different and then they switched to the 3D/4D portion. They determined she is in fact a girl, she wasn't shy this time. Then they scanned her head and we got to see that the right side of her brain and skull are missing because they didn't fully develop.
Audrianna Elizabeth Guy will be born anytime between November 28th and December 11th, there will be a service in her honor. All we can do is remember that she will be well taken care of and in a better place. She will never be forgotten and she will live on through Aaron and I for the rest of our lives. As we move forward we have to remember that she's perfect in every way because she is ours and the most we can do now is love her in the time that we have her.

Breaking the Silence

      After finding a new doctor there has been an exciting amount of movement going on in my belly. Baby has been moving non-stop for weeks and it's making me feel like there is hope. I have had a few more ultrasounds done, but was told that I need a better ultrasound ie, a 3D/4D because the ultrasounds aren't making it easy to tell if the skull is formed or not. In some shots it looks viable, in others it looks as though the brain is missing a lobe. I have had a 3D/4D ultrasound scheduled for September 11, I will then be 24 weeks pregnant with this baby, and I still don't know what the sex of the baby is.
       During the ultrasound my friend Autumn and I were watching the little palm sized screen, he was pointing out the things that we were looking at. Whether it was the baby's long legs and adorable feet or the head he pointed out everything so that we could get a thorough understanding of what we were looking at. As he went to look at the baby's gender we then watched her legs cross so that we couldn't see. It was just amazing.
       We have a long road ahead of us, and it's going to be riddled with tests and exams and possibly unanswered questions. But we're holding together and we're walking through this because it's what is right. I love this child and no matter the outcome she/he will always be my son or daughter.

Finding out...

I really want to know what we're going to be having regardless of the outcome of our second opinion, everyone at work keeps asking if we will find out or not, but not many people know of all the stuff that's going on. And how do you tell people that you only really associate with during work hours something so heartwrenching? I guess my biggest question here is, is it wrong to want to know what we're having at this point? Or is it ok to know? Am I being selfish?