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The pain is never ending.

I know this feeling too well. I will never forget you Audrianna, Mommy and Daddy love you, forever. I wish you could be here in my arms, just one more time, that I could whisper I love you.

Audrianna

She has such a cute nose, her daddy's all the way.

 The tears wouldn't stop, all I could do was tell her I love her.

 Just as surgery had started. I was terrified, but I did great.

Daddy's princess, the love he has for her is amazing.

 I love this little girl so much, I miss her already.

 Words cannot describe how much I love them.

 2lbs 8.9 ounces, 13.5 inches long. She lived for 39 minutes. I wish it could have been longer, but I'm glad I got to hold her while she was still alive. Gone from us here on Earth but in our hearts forever.

Strange measures

      Had my 30 week appointment this morning. Discussed issues with her sitting on my kidney, he's doing a urine culture to make sure I don't have a kidney infection because of it. He also did normal fundal measurements. Two weeks ago, Ms. Audrianna was measuring at 26 weeks, today she was measuring at 47 centimeters... so basically, based on fundal height, she was ready 7 weeks ago, Doctor Shakfeh asked if I've been having contractions, which I have, but nothing constant enough to bother me. He said that based on the size of my uterus, she is "ready" so the contractions could get more frequent, which he wants, he wants her to be the 10% of Anencephalic babies that will put the mother into labor. He also said that because of the anencephaly, I have too much amniotic fluid which he called Polyhydramnios. The Polyhydramnios is what is causing my large measurements.
      Also, in other news, he got hospital clearance for my VBAC or as it's now called TOLAC.

Details, details, details...

      Had a quick Dr. appointment today. We discussed potential dates for the induction. He wasn't cleared to do the induction at or before 37 weeks because of the hospital and insurance guidelines. So Nov. 23rd is now completely out.
      He said that because of the guidelines the soonest he could do it is 39 weeks, which falls on Christmas up until 41 weeks, which falls on my mom's birthday. Now, mind you, these time frames are all "relative" and if my health starts to decline or I start to dilate, then of course, we can induce a little earlier. Things are all over the place, but my blood sugar levels and blood pressure at this point are next to perfect, so he's not too concerned at the moment.
      I was also informed today that now that I'm in my 3rd trimester, I'll be seeing him every two weeks until 34 weeks, when I start seeing him weekly. And we still have no word on when he wants me to take my leave of absence from work... we'll see soon, depending on how comfortable I am come December, I know right now, I'm about done.