Monday, December 10, 2012
I am Audrianna's mother
I have been thinking too much lately. Audrianna has been on my mind nonstop. It has been 6 weeks since our brief hello and goodbye in October. I have finally gone back to work and I also got her memorial tattoo done. To state, I may have only got to carry her for 30 weeks, but in those 30 weeks I got to hear her beartbeat, watch and feel her move, see her beautiful face on ultrasounds, and I got to hold her in my arms for hours, yes, even after she had passed. She will be in my heart for a life time and beyond. I love my daughter so much that it hurts. Time heals all wounds, I just don't know how long it will take for this one to heal. 8:12a - 8:51a 10/25/12
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Found your blog from your birth story on bbc. It's so hard for some to understand the connection we feel with our babies before they are born. I lost my daughter 7 years ago. The words you have written, I remember the same feelings so well. You are Audrianna's mommy. You always will be and she will always be your baby. It does get a little easier over time, but that love and that pain never go away. They are melded together. As you start this journey, I pray for you, for your strength in dealing with the many "helpful" comments you will receive, and for your voice, keeping her memory alive. Don't ever shut it out to make others more comfortable. Our grief makes others uncomfortable...it's not our job to shield them from it, it's our right as mothers to talk about our children. God bless you and the rest of your family, Ashleigh.
ReplyDeleteThis poem was shared with me shortly after I lost Isabella...
"A Pair of Shoes"
~Author unknown
I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.
https://sites.google.com/site/teamisabella