Audrianna's memorial gathering is monday, TOMORROW. We got her cremains yesterday. I got my necklace for them Friday along with her urn, just waiting on her daddy's necklace and we'll be set.
Some days it feels like time is standing still. No matter how much I wish for the day to end it crawls. There's not a second that goes by that Audrianna's not on my mind, things that we would be doing, the way she would smell after a bath, even the way her cry would sound. It's amazing how someone so tiny could have such an impact on your life, even when she's not here.
We also found out the cost of the tattoos we are getting in her memory. Aaron has decided to get his up and down the opposite side of his ribs from Aydin's name, a brave choice... I'll be getting mine just below my left collar bone as close to my heart as I can get it. I would have gotten it on my heart, if it wasn't for the silly strawberry mole that is there. We'll only have to pay $100 total when all is said and done, which I'm grateful for.
Aydin still doesn't quite understand what's going on. He knows she's his baby sister and he knows that she can't be here with us, but he doesn't know why nor does he understand why she died. That's the hard part, explaining to them that there was nothing that we could do, she was too sick, and then the look in their eyes when you tell them that she's still with them and knowing that she has such amazing older siblings.
Hopefully days will get shorter and the stress will deplete. I also hope that my smile gets bigger and that laughing doesn't hurt as much. One day at a time, that's all I can ask.
Im amazed at how strong you are! I hope you have some solace knowing that your baby is an Angel watching over your family... Always keep her memories happy and remember the love not only you had for her, but I'm SURE she had for you. I'm so sorry for your loss, Ashleigh. I can't imagine what you and your family is going through.
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